Ohhhh advice.. what a bittersweet ringing in our ear. Sometimes we ask for guidance and appreciate the assistance. Sometimes we get the answers we were hoping for or even learn something new and helpful. Other times, we hear 100 different things from 20 different people (not including the 10 books we skimmed through during pregnancy), and every single piece of it contradicts the next. Then somewhere down the line, whether it be your friend, sister, daughter or even daughter-in-law, at some point you become the advice giver and man oh man do you have to think back to the days you had biased opinions and pieces of advice thrown at you. Remind yourself to just stop and think, “am I being helpful or am I quietly making things worse?” and “is my advice relevant and welcomed?”.
Postpartum is HARD. Recovering, adjusting to parenthood, learning your baby, dealing with extra people, figuring out your new life, remembering to pay attention to your partner & yourself, all while remembering to eat and drink water... it’s all just HARD! Sure it gets easier and everything finds its place and it’s routine, but not right away. No one needs the added “you should”, “I think”, “make sure you..” comments on top of it all. Right?!
So, here is a list of good and bad advice for the new mom in your life.
Bad vs. Good
Bad: Sleep when the baby is sleeping- No! Please don’t do this... newborn sleep 16-17 hours per day. If you slept that much, you’d be sleeping yourself right into an extended & rough recovery and especially Post Partum Depression (PPD).
Vs.
Good: Embrace your new life but don’t forget how you got here and who you were before you were “Mom”. Just be yourself! Do things you enjoy doing and focus on yourself at least once a day! Put make up on, shower, do your hair, get out of the house for an hour. Of course, rest when you need to. Take naps, relax, snuggle your little babe and enjoy the new baby smell, but whatever you do, do not become the zombie mom who only wakes enough to feed the baby instead of herself! Without you being yourself and functing on a daily basis, your baby will NOT thrive.
Bad: Breastfeed because it’ll help you lose weight. - Okay, NO! Sure, breastfeeding makes the uterus contract, making it go back to its original size more quickly, and you also burn an extra 500-600 calories per day while breastfeeding. But, this isn’t what it’s all about. Reminding Mom that she has more weight to lose and her only “quick” tip is to breastfeed, terrible advice. Unsuccessful breastfeeding (for any number of reasons) is already stressful and upsetting to so many. Then adding the pressure of a pre-pregnancy snap back on top of it all, it’s a PPD breading ground 🙄
Vs.
Good: A FED baby is a healthy & happy baby! Feed your baby and ensure it’s thriving, no matter what it’s with! Above all remember, it took 10 months for your body to shift all your organs, make space for a new life and completely a grow a human and a new organ! Don’t you think it deserves at least another 10 months to properly recover?
Bad: Do not exercise or move too much. Do not do anything except stay indoors, rest and heal. - NO! Sitting still and letting yourself become, quite literally, a couch potato, is simply the worst thing for you, your body and your baby. Get fresh air. Get up and get moving. The more you use your body, the quicker it’ll heal.
VS.
Good: Get moving! The quickest way to heal is to keep your body healthy and use the muscles that have simply been sitting and tightening. Walk outside or on a treadmill at 1 MPH (NO weight training, jogging or even power walking until cleared by your OB at 6 weeks). Take that new baby out for a walk or leave the baby with your partner while you walk out to the end of the street.
Bad: Eat, sleep, breathe baby. No one takes care of baby better than you and this is the only way you will build a relationship with baby. - oh my gosh, NO! I’ve heard this so much and it makes my skin crawl. Of course no one takes care of baby like mama, but please let them try! It maybe different from how you do it, but regardless, all will be fine and you will be back in no time! No baby will be healthy and happy without a healthy, happy and well rested mama.
VS.
Good: Be yourself! You know, the YOU that you were before the babies! Embrace old habits and don’t ever lose yourself in motherhood. Wake up a few minutes earlier (nap time will always come), put on make up in the morning, get your nails done, go shopping or read that book you’ve been putting aside. Baby will be there when you get back and everything will pick right back up where you left off. Take that time, take that nap, take that minute to breathe and be you!
Simply Good Advice
Leave the house- go to the grocery store, walk around the neighborhood etc.
Babywear- if you’re afraid to take your baby out and about, with the risk of people touching him/ her & all the germs that come along with it, then baby-wear! Nobody is going to touch your baby when baby is wrapped up, snuggly and asleep on your chest. The most they will do is go for the toes. Jokes on them, we have socks for that too! Ha!
Don’t forget your partner- you and your partner are what built your family. You and your healthy relationship are the foundation of a healthy and happy family and baby. Take the time to go to dinner or spend quality time together
All the baby does is sleep! Take advantage! Go out! Leave the house & bring that baby! Teach Baby to sleep through noise and chaos, and just enjoy the flexibility of an always sleeping newborn!
The Greatest Advice Ever!
ASK FOR HELP! Laundry, dishes, meal prep, house cleaning, grocery shopping, walking the dog, anything! Make someone else do it. No one needs to come over, hold your newborn, get their cooties all over him/her and not give anything in return. If they want to hold the baby so badly, fine, let them do it while you shower or nap. Use your visitors to your advantage. I promise they won’t be upset or unwilling to help!
Above all, relax and ENJOY your new baby and new life. Enjoy maternity leave and go with the flow! Everyone says it, but it’s so true... this stage and these days, will be over before you know it!
